The Art of Emotional Mastery (as a woman)

“Weak is he who allows his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts.” — Og Mandino

One of my favorite questions to ask myself is “Are you in control?”

I ask it when I check my phone for the 200th times, when I have an impulse to eat a gallon of ice cream, when I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what my boyfriend said in an argument, when I want to curse the driver in front of me for driving slow in the left lane, etc.

Anytime I feel I’m being controlled — whether, by my emotions or cravings, I try to reverse the picture.

This proves to be especially hard when it’s….nearly that time of the month. Why is that?

I revert to a quote that says “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these things, and still be calm in your heart.”

This, to me, signifies that I can certainly be in control when it is easy: my hormones are stable and I’m feeling productive.

But what about that week when my testosterone levels skyrocket and I feel lethargic, bloated, and irritable?

How do I stay in control when my emotions loom over me like a giant, heavy cloud?

Is it really just a mental game? Do I just have to always be mindful of overpowering my impulses? Wouldn’t that become exhausting?

How do we do this, then?

Human impulse is never going away — we must then become better at responding, not reacting. This is possible. It’s done by repetition.

Emotional Regulation Through the Menstrual Cycle

I have intentionally curated a lifestyle that allows me to slow down during the luteal & menstrual phases.

My responsibilities don’t change, just my approach.

I live within my rhythm. I have become so attuned with myself that I can easily sense when I’m feeling thrown off. I also have come to terms that feeling “off” is inevitable.

There are times we have a late night and my dog still wants to wake up at 5:30 to go to the bathroom or I’m aching from period cramps and I still need to host a masterclass for my community.

I don’t try to resist these moments anymore which alleviates half the battle. Yeah, it sucks. But is being angry or resentful about it going to help me?

“Bad” Emotions Aren’t Bad

The other thing that has helped me regulate my emotions has been following a rule of not allowing elevated emotions to dictate my actions.

Even feelings of great joy or peace aren’t good to take action from. (Ever been high on life and suddenly you’re tipping every waitress $100 and when you wake up the next day you’re wallet’s empty?)

When I’m feeling particularly angry or irritated, I see that as an indication of something else that’s going on.

We shouldn’t try to not feel emotions — numbing or avoiding admitting that we are feeling something never helps.

Rather, face it head on and deal with it.

“I’m feeling irritated. AHHH I’M FEELING SO IRRITATED. Blah.”

Especially during the luteal phase when I know I tend to be more easily irritated — I remind myself that it’s okay to feel how I’m feeling but it’s not okay to be mean.

If I do have a short temper I apologize to the affected person and take ownership of my actions. I don’t make excuses.

We’re Just Human

I’m not perfect. I don’t always handle situations the way I want to. There are times I feel like I have the emotional regulation of a 6 year old.

But, hey, we’re just human.

When I think about the kind of human I want to be — it’s one who is emotionally aware and is able to apologize when I’m out of line.